hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
