Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
