with your own penis?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
