I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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