it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
