I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
