Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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