how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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