So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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