Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize