If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
