So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
