If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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