Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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