i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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