R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
