i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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