well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
