I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
