But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
