i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
