they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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