Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
