Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
