Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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