Ambien. No doubt about it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
