last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
