My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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