I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
