Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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