My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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