Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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