a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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