Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
