Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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