I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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