Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
