He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
