so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
