remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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