So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
