im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
