If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
