i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
