Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
