I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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