If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dignity is for republicans.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
