There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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