u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
