Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
