There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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